Poop

At my last appointment, my doctor asked me, “Are you having normal bowel movements?”

First of all doc, let’s call it what it is. Poop.

Second of all, what IS normal poop?? Poop, by its very nature, is not normal. I mean its food that was once in your mouth coming out of your butthole, is it not? And no matter how it looks going in, it always looks pretty much the same coming out…

That ain’t normal.

Sometimes there’s corn in it. And you didn’t even eat corn.

Nothing about poop is normal.

Do you mean to ask if my poop is like everyone else’s poop?? Well I don’t know, doc, I only see my own dang poop! Do you want to show me pictures of assorted butt nuggets and I’ll tell you which one reminds me of my own crap? Do you want me to take a dump and invite you in? Do you want to drink some hot cocoa together while you tell me about your arse biscuits and we can compare and contrast?

My numba dos smells like peach and crème…Is THAT normal doc? IS IT?!        

                                   

I wanted to say all of this. He deserved it after asking such a loaded question. Instead all I could say, in a voice that came out more like a pick up line than I would’ve liked, was “I like to think so.”